Blade Runner 2049 – Nope


***WARNING: There are probably spoilers below, so if you haven’t seen Blade Runner 2049, turn away now***

Blade Runner was a brilliant movie.  Blade Runner 2049 was a terrible movie.  Placing aside some of the more disturbing issues the first movie had, and make no mistake, in hindsight there are troubling power-dynamics between Decker and Rachael – especially when viewed through a modern lens, it was a stunning film.  Visually, aurally, metaphorically, it was a fantastic film.  I’ve seen the various versions several times (5 different cuts last time I knew) and though it’s been years since I’ve watched the theatrical version,  I have no problem admitting that each version has its merits.  Even the voiceover in the original theatrical still holds a little spot in my heart.

BR2049 was slow.  Really slow.  A slow glacier of slowness.  My boredom grew weary of itself, if that’s possible.  I will concede that the movie was a looker.  Visual effects aside, there wasn’t much else going on.  The set pieces felt empty, disjointed, disconnected.  The characters felt empty, disjointed, disconnected.  The plot felt empty, disjointed, discone… get the idea.  I felt nothing for Ryan Gosling’s character.  Throughout most of the movie my prevailing attitude was to just get on with it.  I couldn’t buy into the idea that replicants, so soon after a full-on revolt, would even be allowed to be manufactured, let alone live amongst the public in an apartment.  And what can I say, Jared Leto gave a Suicide-Squad Joker level performance, which is to say it could have been cut from the film entirely and saved us some time.  And the statues of women in all sorts of…interesting…positions?  And really, what the heck was up with that birthing chute?

The ending was nonsensical.  It was painful.  It was not good.

You can probably tell that I didn’t like the film.  Yes, the visual effects were good, but that’s all there really is.  Maybe I just didn’t see the same film all the critics saw.  Maybe I need to see it again.  Don’t hold your breath though.

Eh, your mileage may very.





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